Money, it’s a gas!

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Pink Floyd – Money

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Tom Petty – Money becomes king

I could go on but we all get it. Y’all are rockstars and you hate the 9-5 charade, and we must stick to the man and yeah, corporates suck and rock and roll lives forever! Then again, Gilmour & Waters had an estimated net worth of $150 mn in 2011-12 leaving poor Petty with, dare I say it, a petty $75 million net worth in second place.

However, lets not jump the gun and start judging everyone and all okay. So they have money. Is it a crime? ‘Course not. But sometimes it’s just amazing what money will do to ya..

I’ll start with my favorite.

Kim Basinger

Here’s what happened: she was stuck in a traffic jam in some suburb in Georgia where she read a sign that said “If you lived here, you’d be home by now”. Apparently that idea really appealed to her and just that like Kim Basinger stops, parks and buys the whole damn town. Really. She-bought-the-whole-damn-town. Talk about a once in a lifetime sale!

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L to R: Normal Kim, Crazy Kim

Apparently she wanted to turn it into a tourist attraction of sorts which never hit off so it later had to be sold off for a tenth of its price to help get Kim’s head out of her ass. And by that I mean settle the lawsuit she lost against some movie studio whose deal she backed out of 4 weeks before film release. Oh, and pay off her pissed off husband for an expensive divorce settlement. A town, sheesh! Couldn’t she shop for shoes and jewellery like normal women? Does a town even come under “Retail” therapy?

Mike Tyson

This is a kind of pathetic/sad story so I’ll try to make it as short as possible.

He liked women. A lot. Women like to spend. A lot. Women with celebrity husbands/ boyfriends with a net worth of upwards of $300mn like to spend even more. Celebrity children love spending too I imagine, as do celebrity lawyers. Throw in some pet tigers and shopping sprees for property (what is it with these celebs and buying towns?) and you have a massive lawsuit for bankruptcy.

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Gee, didn’t see that coming. Anyway, he says he’s repented, seen the light and made a switch. The poor unfortunate soul lives from paycheck to paycheck now. You must be so proud Mike. Welcome to adulthood. There’s 7 billion of us, so might take a while to settle in and make yourself comfortable.

Michael Jackson

If I left Michael Jackson out of this I know he’d have been insulted. The man was a whopping $400 million in debt when he died. Congratulations Michael, water cooler aap ka howa. Bet he was like “So long suckers, kiss my chadees”. Because seriously, if he didn’t want to burden his family and friends with the $400 mn debt, he’d have left a note telling em where the emergency stash was hidden. Or instructions to auction off his records or awards or fake nails or something.

I’d say he’s probably forgiven though, if they’re even remotely included in the will anywhere. Pick any one of his properties say, the one with the two railway lines (wtf?), two helipads, an amusement park (those bastards really overcharge for rides at other parks, you really showed em Michael) it’s own fire department, a zoo..

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MJ’s Neverland ranch

So right back at ya Roger Waters:

“Don’t gimme that do goody good bullshit.”

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