Momentary Lapse of Reason

The good news: I have taken the plunge and quit my job that had been making me unhappy for at least 2 out of the 4 years I’d been working there.

The bad news: I am in all out ape-shit-crazy panic mode. Well, not all the time. Mostly just between meals.

Case in point: I just decided to make myself a cup of coffee.

Should be easy:

  1. Blend coffee and sugar.
  2. Add boiling water and/or milk.
  3. Enjoy steaming cup of frothy Nescafe

…right?

In my head, I expected my coffee to look like this:

Image

In reality it looked like a cross between dirty dishwater and gravy.

Aaaaand cue. Enter: moment of crisis.

What kind of 29 year old doesn’t know how to make a cup of coffee?

Maybe my mother’s right; I’m never gonna bag a man.

It’s not too late to change my mind and retract my resignation..

Mumble mumble incoherent self pity….

Aaaaand cue: fit of hysterical crying. For the stout of heart, here is my dishwater in all its glory.Image

Oh well. One less career option.

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Choose Life

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life…

Mark Renton – Trainspotting

Truer words were never spoken. As it happens I do need a new job as I’m facing a bit of a career crisis at the moment, if anyone cares. And a “fucking big television” “leisurewear” and “dental insurance” would be nice too. It’s Monday afternoon and I’m reflecting on life, wondering “who-am-I-and-where-is-life-headed”.

So.. then what? We have a series of problems, get over some and deal with a new set of problems? Move from job to job, settle down, buy a house, get married, have kids, grow old, die? I remember when I was 15, my grades were SO important to me. And now it’s a decade and a half later and that’s meaningless and a better job is THE most important thing. And then, when I’m 40, getting my kids into great schools will be the biggest deal. Is this a checklist and we keep ticking things off until there’s nothing left to tick off anymore?

I know this is a depressing rant but I really want to know if anyone has figured out their shit at all? I really want to know, who on God’s green earth has it all put together (and can we have some pointers please). I want to speak to someone whose written an inspirational quotes book and ask them WHERE their little gems came from. The “dance in the rain” and “live life in the moment” variety. What do you guys see that I don’t see because I am desperate to know. How do I live life in the moment? How do I stop stressing about the shitty job, and the marriage dilemma and the family drama?

Any thoughts? Any ideas? I am rotting away, so to speak, as we speak.