Let’s face it; there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands. So out of the sheer goodness of my heart here are some handy tips for every husband, boyfriend, or significant other:
1. When you see her for the first time that day, try getting the conversation off to a good start.
“Aren’t you dressed yet?” – you’re on dangerous grounds.
“Wow, you sure look good in brown!” – That’s a better bet.
“Wow, look at you!” – Definitely on the right track.
“Here’s my paycheck.” – Solid.
2. Gauge her mood. If the tips of her ears are red and her mouth is set in a thin line, you are going to need some masterful manipulation.
“What’re you so worked up about?” – Seriously, no.
“Honey are you okay?” – Better, but needs work.
Give her a hug and bring out that bar of chocolate you’ve stashed away for emergencies – Bringing out the big guns, never fails.
“Here’s my paycheck.” – Spot on.
3. When you come home from work:
“What did you do all day?” – Do not say it. Sounds like you’re suggesting she was at a spa getting a massage and a facial the whole time.
“I hope you didn’t over do it today.” – Not bad, but could be taken to mean she looks tired. Avoid!
“You look fantastic.” – That line never gets old.
“Here’s my paycheck.” – What can I say, it never fails.
4. After dinner and before heading to bed, your chances of after dinner action vs. watching an old re run on TV depend on how you behave before and during dinner.
“What’s for dinner?” – Might as well forget about it.
“Hey don’t bother, we can eat the leftover watchamacallit” – Not the best response in the book.
“Honey, lemme help you with dinner.” – Much better.
“Where would you like to go for dinner?” – You’re definitely getting some.
And of course, “Here’s my paycheck.” – You might even get the sexy lingerie tonight.